For the Love of a Rake

I didn't want summer to go. I was upset with this change of season. For me summer left too early... I was seeing Autumn as a precursor to death! It's a season that brings in the cold, the fruit stands close up, other markets as well close for the season, it seemed that things were going to end up drab and lifeless. Then as I was raking the first leaves of Fall I begin to think and look around me. As I'm gliding through I begin to understand. I feel a vibration. I fall in love! I'm not even disappointed after awhile as I dance the vibration that the darn wind is pulling more leaves off the trees as I'm raking. I begin to hit the tree limbs and bring down a deluge. The pile of leaves build in the street as I push more and more to this end point (the borough comes by and picks them up for mulching right off the street how lucky can I get). Well I'm excited! Tomorrow is another day and I can rake again! It's definitely Autumn, nothing I can do about and really at this point nothing I want to do about it! It's Glorious! I realize that this time of the year signals the grandiosity of nature. Nature that is much more bold than any other time of the year. She spreads color and then drops her creation all over. The winds blow, the temperature drops. The world seems to get a little moody but all in all I feel life smiling and dancing. The music is in my head when I see this wondrous party come to life!


Well there have been two more days of raking. Leaves are still falling. This morning when I looked out the yard (both front and back) were mostly covered with a blanket of leaves. The excitement built again and I spent a cumulative couple of hours raking. My younger daughter got into it and shared my excitement... "I made a path!" she said as she pulled the rake several times down part of the yard and pushed the leaves onto the side walk. I was glad to see that this excitement was shared. Some innocence as well that I love to see in my children!

There were many metaphors that rattled through my brain as I looked on my leaf load today. I realized there were Greek Myth that called to mind the uselessness of what I was doing. The lesson in futility! Sisyphus. Rolls the ball up the hill only to have it roll right back down and he is doomed to failure for eternity. I'm thinking of some of the more somber moments and somber people I've been around this last week... I'm thinking of the glass half full metaphor as well. I get to decide how I look at this. The most prolific metaphor I can think of at this point though is the fact we are all called to work in this life. We can point, stare, cry and twiddle our thumbs at the "leaves that fall and build over and over in our life" or we can rake with enthusiasm... even half the enthusiasm really is better than none some days.

As I raked through the election day and on into the next day I realized that no matter who won I would not feel entirely "glad". I had definitely cast my vote. My greatest consternation was that many people had misinformation about their chosen candidate and the "other" guy. I found myself checking the internet against the "facts" I received. No amount of "truth" was going to dis-sway anyone from whom they had placed their faith in. Issues took presidence and some sticky ones are always at the helm. No matter, all we can do is really have faith in what truth does work it's way through to the end result. We have a man who will take that highest seat. The bottom line is though we all have to take our own job in this life seriously... we all have to find our own peace with what we have. This has been a time of loss in the last months. It's due to greed, it's due to things outside the grasp of most of us. We didn't cause it persay but we have to live with it.

As I finished my leaf raking today I realized that for the love of a rake I had found my own answers to this dilemma. I want to face life today, tomorrow and on down the line this winter and on and continue to find that golden rake that will help me sift through and do my job with joy and a vibration. I wish this for everyone. Look to find the music in the air and dance with nature and the chores of the day to realize how wondrous and beautiful everything and every one around you really is and I guarantee you the results will be good. As one of my friends used to say "try it and if it doesn't work we will refund your misery without haste!"

Aleana turns 8!

This is my sweet 8 year old girl. Oh my how time flys. I just marvel at all my kids. The brightness, the charm, the intelligence, the rugged individuals that they are. How amazing! I'm blessed beyond belief. Happy Birthday sweet Angel!

Fall is coming...

Trying to distract myself. I'm still in the restless mode. Possibly it's the fall season that has me wanting to work to bring some change... seasons change the weather, the landscapes, the mood and although sometimes in my life things change w/o having to work at it other times it's important to be sure to plant, sow and reap in my own life. Today we recieved a packet of information on the local SWAN program and I'm hoping there is information we can make useful to move ahead with another adoption. I don't doubt we are moving towards this right now but I really need to make sure I'm open and not missing the cues. I also want to make sure I'm not to hasty or impatient? Being 45 right now doesn't help me though. Because I married at 32 and started having children at 34 I'm a late bloomer. I also know that 45 is the new 35 : )

With that said onward and upward with Fall and with adoption again! Went to buy some beautiful mums today... absolutely gorgeous! Some little pumpkins adorn the sidewalk by the side door. I'm moving towards beauty and abundance!

Getting Restless here...

As I've discussed here we are foster parents. When we were in AZ we pursued foster care as a means of adoption. We adopted Andrew when we got to PA through the state of AZ (late last year). It took us awhile to get to court on this. I'm not exactly sure why the wheels turn so slowly for this process but it seems it almost always does. Possibly it's part of the larger plan to integrate children into permanent homes with care? Who knows but we are so happy that Andrew is with us! He's a wonderful Gift from above.

In any event we have been looking to adopt again... one or two children (single or siblings, any race, any gender, open to medical issues with some caution). Foster care has been slow. We received a call on a child that was pre-adoptive but in the end we pursued this child and sibling but they only wanted to place him with us. That was the last we heard about it. There is always this lack of information and doors shut tight. We have not gotten a call on fostering since December. Prior to that we had a child that had come to us in February (she left in December when our current foster son Q came to live with us... Q will not be staying as he has 3 siblings and they will pursue placement with he and his siblings together and we are not the right home for them). I won't be critical of the system. I believe they are doing the best they can with what time and information they gather about their foster families. They are there to keep children safe and return them to their parents or families. They are not there to work with us on our goals. However...

Tim and I know our hearts and our capabilities. If we wait I'm thinking we are truly not doing what God intended for us to do. I feel restless, I feel pulled to do more. There are so many children waiting to be adopted and many who are coming into the system daily. I cannot wait anymore just working with the system as it is... Maybe we just needing to do some poking and get them to do a little more and be more aware of us as a foster/adopt family? (right now it's hard at our agency because they have two girls going out on maternity leave which puts them down to 2 caseworkers and a supervisor... dynamite people but that short changes them for completing all the paperwork, fulfilling the bureaucratic quota for this and that, and doing what is the larger job of taking care of the children they are entrusted with through the state) Maybe we need to move on? Is there a way to reach beyond where we are, to other parts of the state system but remain with the people we are working with? Maybe the answer is somewhere in there?

I went to Swan internet site here for PA. I saw 4 children that I just fell in love with. There were many many many children on this site and many who are not listed there. I made a call today to get more information on the SWAN program and got some answers on what we can do to work within the state to adopt again. We are not opposed in any way to fostering to adopt.... we just want to be know that we are going to meet our goal of adoption at some point again. There are too many children who need homes for us to sit here and dally around when we are willing and ready to adopt. It's not fair to them it's not fair to us. So off we go again.

I talked with Tim about this. He's a little hesitant only because he doesn't want us to have to start over or begin anew and waste time. He really thinks we can pursue this from where we are. I would like a smooth process as well. I don't want to do something that is unnecessary. We really love the folks we are working with and we don't want to damage that relationship. So prayers for us that we move carefully but not waste time. While I don't think we have wasted time thus far we need to move ahead to a new plan that gets us in touch with one of those 3 children or even another child who needs a loving permanent home! I'm ready! There is/are a child(ren) out there for us.

School begins

Tuesday is the big day. I'm off on a cleaning fit. I have to laugh. I went into the girls corner where they store their stuff. We obviously had not been there at least in part since school ended this last year. I went into my 7 year olds back pack and found some really interesting food stuffs. She had chips and they were in the original bag but they looked more like a candy bar. One big lumpy square of brown. EWWWW! Then my older daughter had something in a baggy in her dance bag. It was as well brown and fairly uniform but seriously unrecognizable. There were a couple water bottles that leaked in their bags so I'm thinking that whatever was going on was some metamorphosis related to the combining of water and whatever.

So laundry day here. I'm going to be getting them ready for school in the morning. Then we will be going off to the library. There is a school open house tonite. My older daughter will have an open house later I know but they usually ask that we not come as a family which bugs me. One of us stays home with the kiddos. Tim went last year so I think I will go this year if possible. I guess I can understand with this being a big school they don't want everyone to bring their siblings and grandmothers but why would we get a baby sitter (why would everyone want to get a baby sitter?!) just for a couple hours of school activity.

Another week gone. I spent the beginning of this one getting our ducks in a row for when school begins; getting new clothes, supplies and marking the calendar with open house dates and times. Also learned that our oldest will be taking 4 hours of dance a week. I was upset at first about this, it was more than I thought she would be doing. It made sense though when I read the paperwork for her classes. She auditioned for a competitive dance team and they sent us the required classes. She will be taking two hours related to her "home group" which is the group level she is involved in. As well she will be taking two hours of dance related to Tap and Jazz. the two areas of competition. It's actually going to work out fine. It is going to cost a bit more than I had planned on spending for dance but it is worth every penny. Good exercise, a disciplined learning experience with some challenge (but not too much) and she will derive a sense of confidence from this as well. This is her focus right now for extracurricular activity and something she enjoys. Our younger daughter will take one tap class. She is excited about it and it is something new to her. While she was involved in dance at the Theatre Academy last year this is a much more focused discipline for her and something she looks forward to. She can decide from there if she wants to get involved with a team or take on more dance as time goes on. She will be able to build on this experience. I also have a dance class one night a week. Took this class last year and enjoyed it. Hopefully I will again. While I'm not thrilled with the idea of a recital in the Spring I will endure.

I also put some dates on the Calender for the boys. Our youngest will be evaluated the first week in September to see if he needs any help with developmental skills. As he turns 3 in November they will be transitioning him to a classes outside the house if he does need services. I'm going to guess he will not need any additional services and can join a regular pre-school when the time comes w/o extra therapies. Our foster son was evaluated and they are sending him to Head Start this year. He will be in two years of HS before going to a regular kindergarten class room. Although he does not meet the 25% delay criteria for special therapies he is seen to be at risk for developmental and behavioral problems due to his being in the foster care system. It is not so much him as it is the fact that children who are in foster care have extra stressors and challenges. With head start we will have an open house early in September so he can meet his teachers and get acquainted with the classroom and then we also have meetings in our home. I'm not quite sure what the home meetings are about but we will find out.

I'm in the process now of listening to some audio tapes in the car. Love and Logic -- www.loveandlogic.com --. I was given these CD's about a month ago. I tossed them aside after hearing a brief summation of this parenting style. Sounded too simplistic and I didn't need it at the time. Suddenly this last week I realized our foster son and our son are becoming a bit more challenging as they time goes on. I needed something fresh to inspire. I thought it couldn't hurt to listen to the tapes and see if there is something that will be helpful to this developmental stage. Well what I've heard so far in the first 45 minutes is wonderful and I will elaborate more in another post about it. I highly recommend this study.... it takes a great deal of stress out of parenting and gives a good focus for helping kids to learn and grow. Really it is nothing new although their tactics go a bit farther than I'm used to going with allowing my kids find natural consequences to their behaviors. The tapes did give me a sense that I'm on the right track. It is support and inspiration on the road to loving these boys.

Summer... woooosh!

Our summer is going well... we have had so many new things to see and so many places to go. I cannot believe that the school year is about to start even though we have had such a full summer. I get a little sad about it. We get so into enjoying the summer ease and go-when-and-where-we-want schedule that the change to a ritual time and place oriented school year feels like sandpaper grating on my mind. Summer as well just went so fast. The Summer last year seemed to go on forever. I wonder if it had to do with the fact we were involved heavily in theatre events for the girls and somehow I buried myself in the newness of life in PA. Only our first full summer in PA. Wooosh... there went this summer.

Some of the things we did:

Some dance classes and auditions for a dance group
"Bama" was here for 28 days. The kids had a great fill of Grandma time.
Visited Hershey Park and on another day Chocolate World and Museaum
Strasburg Train Ride
Gettysburg Battle field tour
A couple picnic dinners
Dinners with a couple friends that were great fun
Science Center at the Maryland Inner Harbour
Shopping in Lancaster (Amish area)
All you can eat Crab dinner (whoa... this was new for us!)
A couple Farmer's Market visits
Ikea
Trader Joe's

Some wonderful points of passage for the kiddos:

Graduating from Speech Therapy for our 2 year old son!
and Potty training (we are not quite "there" yet)
Our 7 year old finally mastering her 2 wheel bike (woo hoo!!!!)
Our foster son was evaluated and is not needing special services
(He will go into head start in the fall and is excited about it)
We had 2 extra kids this summer for 19 days which made us a family
of 8!!!
Our older daughter auditioning for a dance troupe and making the decision to
move on form her theatre studio to focus on dance.

I know it's not over yet and we are still making discovery and doing fun new things. I just feel as though my time to post is fleeting so I wanted to update before we start school. School begins on the 26th which is so close at hand. I will finalize my summer vacation post after that...