Fall is coming...

Trying to distract myself. I'm still in the restless mode. Possibly it's the fall season that has me wanting to work to bring some change... seasons change the weather, the landscapes, the mood and although sometimes in my life things change w/o having to work at it other times it's important to be sure to plant, sow and reap in my own life. Today we recieved a packet of information on the local SWAN program and I'm hoping there is information we can make useful to move ahead with another adoption. I don't doubt we are moving towards this right now but I really need to make sure I'm open and not missing the cues. I also want to make sure I'm not to hasty or impatient? Being 45 right now doesn't help me though. Because I married at 32 and started having children at 34 I'm a late bloomer. I also know that 45 is the new 35 : )

With that said onward and upward with Fall and with adoption again! Went to buy some beautiful mums today... absolutely gorgeous! Some little pumpkins adorn the sidewalk by the side door. I'm moving towards beauty and abundance!

Getting Restless here...

As I've discussed here we are foster parents. When we were in AZ we pursued foster care as a means of adoption. We adopted Andrew when we got to PA through the state of AZ (late last year). It took us awhile to get to court on this. I'm not exactly sure why the wheels turn so slowly for this process but it seems it almost always does. Possibly it's part of the larger plan to integrate children into permanent homes with care? Who knows but we are so happy that Andrew is with us! He's a wonderful Gift from above.

In any event we have been looking to adopt again... one or two children (single or siblings, any race, any gender, open to medical issues with some caution). Foster care has been slow. We received a call on a child that was pre-adoptive but in the end we pursued this child and sibling but they only wanted to place him with us. That was the last we heard about it. There is always this lack of information and doors shut tight. We have not gotten a call on fostering since December. Prior to that we had a child that had come to us in February (she left in December when our current foster son Q came to live with us... Q will not be staying as he has 3 siblings and they will pursue placement with he and his siblings together and we are not the right home for them). I won't be critical of the system. I believe they are doing the best they can with what time and information they gather about their foster families. They are there to keep children safe and return them to their parents or families. They are not there to work with us on our goals. However...

Tim and I know our hearts and our capabilities. If we wait I'm thinking we are truly not doing what God intended for us to do. I feel restless, I feel pulled to do more. There are so many children waiting to be adopted and many who are coming into the system daily. I cannot wait anymore just working with the system as it is... Maybe we just needing to do some poking and get them to do a little more and be more aware of us as a foster/adopt family? (right now it's hard at our agency because they have two girls going out on maternity leave which puts them down to 2 caseworkers and a supervisor... dynamite people but that short changes them for completing all the paperwork, fulfilling the bureaucratic quota for this and that, and doing what is the larger job of taking care of the children they are entrusted with through the state) Maybe we need to move on? Is there a way to reach beyond where we are, to other parts of the state system but remain with the people we are working with? Maybe the answer is somewhere in there?

I went to Swan internet site here for PA. I saw 4 children that I just fell in love with. There were many many many children on this site and many who are not listed there. I made a call today to get more information on the SWAN program and got some answers on what we can do to work within the state to adopt again. We are not opposed in any way to fostering to adopt.... we just want to be know that we are going to meet our goal of adoption at some point again. There are too many children who need homes for us to sit here and dally around when we are willing and ready to adopt. It's not fair to them it's not fair to us. So off we go again.

I talked with Tim about this. He's a little hesitant only because he doesn't want us to have to start over or begin anew and waste time. He really thinks we can pursue this from where we are. I would like a smooth process as well. I don't want to do something that is unnecessary. We really love the folks we are working with and we don't want to damage that relationship. So prayers for us that we move carefully but not waste time. While I don't think we have wasted time thus far we need to move ahead to a new plan that gets us in touch with one of those 3 children or even another child who needs a loving permanent home! I'm ready! There is/are a child(ren) out there for us.

School begins

Tuesday is the big day. I'm off on a cleaning fit. I have to laugh. I went into the girls corner where they store their stuff. We obviously had not been there at least in part since school ended this last year. I went into my 7 year olds back pack and found some really interesting food stuffs. She had chips and they were in the original bag but they looked more like a candy bar. One big lumpy square of brown. EWWWW! Then my older daughter had something in a baggy in her dance bag. It was as well brown and fairly uniform but seriously unrecognizable. There were a couple water bottles that leaked in their bags so I'm thinking that whatever was going on was some metamorphosis related to the combining of water and whatever.

So laundry day here. I'm going to be getting them ready for school in the morning. Then we will be going off to the library. There is a school open house tonite. My older daughter will have an open house later I know but they usually ask that we not come as a family which bugs me. One of us stays home with the kiddos. Tim went last year so I think I will go this year if possible. I guess I can understand with this being a big school they don't want everyone to bring their siblings and grandmothers but why would we get a baby sitter (why would everyone want to get a baby sitter?!) just for a couple hours of school activity.

Another week gone. I spent the beginning of this one getting our ducks in a row for when school begins; getting new clothes, supplies and marking the calendar with open house dates and times. Also learned that our oldest will be taking 4 hours of dance a week. I was upset at first about this, it was more than I thought she would be doing. It made sense though when I read the paperwork for her classes. She auditioned for a competitive dance team and they sent us the required classes. She will be taking two hours related to her "home group" which is the group level she is involved in. As well she will be taking two hours of dance related to Tap and Jazz. the two areas of competition. It's actually going to work out fine. It is going to cost a bit more than I had planned on spending for dance but it is worth every penny. Good exercise, a disciplined learning experience with some challenge (but not too much) and she will derive a sense of confidence from this as well. This is her focus right now for extracurricular activity and something she enjoys. Our younger daughter will take one tap class. She is excited about it and it is something new to her. While she was involved in dance at the Theatre Academy last year this is a much more focused discipline for her and something she looks forward to. She can decide from there if she wants to get involved with a team or take on more dance as time goes on. She will be able to build on this experience. I also have a dance class one night a week. Took this class last year and enjoyed it. Hopefully I will again. While I'm not thrilled with the idea of a recital in the Spring I will endure.

I also put some dates on the Calender for the boys. Our youngest will be evaluated the first week in September to see if he needs any help with developmental skills. As he turns 3 in November they will be transitioning him to a classes outside the house if he does need services. I'm going to guess he will not need any additional services and can join a regular pre-school when the time comes w/o extra therapies. Our foster son was evaluated and they are sending him to Head Start this year. He will be in two years of HS before going to a regular kindergarten class room. Although he does not meet the 25% delay criteria for special therapies he is seen to be at risk for developmental and behavioral problems due to his being in the foster care system. It is not so much him as it is the fact that children who are in foster care have extra stressors and challenges. With head start we will have an open house early in September so he can meet his teachers and get acquainted with the classroom and then we also have meetings in our home. I'm not quite sure what the home meetings are about but we will find out.

I'm in the process now of listening to some audio tapes in the car. Love and Logic -- www.loveandlogic.com --. I was given these CD's about a month ago. I tossed them aside after hearing a brief summation of this parenting style. Sounded too simplistic and I didn't need it at the time. Suddenly this last week I realized our foster son and our son are becoming a bit more challenging as they time goes on. I needed something fresh to inspire. I thought it couldn't hurt to listen to the tapes and see if there is something that will be helpful to this developmental stage. Well what I've heard so far in the first 45 minutes is wonderful and I will elaborate more in another post about it. I highly recommend this study.... it takes a great deal of stress out of parenting and gives a good focus for helping kids to learn and grow. Really it is nothing new although their tactics go a bit farther than I'm used to going with allowing my kids find natural consequences to their behaviors. The tapes did give me a sense that I'm on the right track. It is support and inspiration on the road to loving these boys.

Summer... woooosh!

Our summer is going well... we have had so many new things to see and so many places to go. I cannot believe that the school year is about to start even though we have had such a full summer. I get a little sad about it. We get so into enjoying the summer ease and go-when-and-where-we-want schedule that the change to a ritual time and place oriented school year feels like sandpaper grating on my mind. Summer as well just went so fast. The Summer last year seemed to go on forever. I wonder if it had to do with the fact we were involved heavily in theatre events for the girls and somehow I buried myself in the newness of life in PA. Only our first full summer in PA. Wooosh... there went this summer.

Some of the things we did:

Some dance classes and auditions for a dance group
"Bama" was here for 28 days. The kids had a great fill of Grandma time.
Visited Hershey Park and on another day Chocolate World and Museaum
Strasburg Train Ride
Gettysburg Battle field tour
A couple picnic dinners
Dinners with a couple friends that were great fun
Science Center at the Maryland Inner Harbour
Shopping in Lancaster (Amish area)
All you can eat Crab dinner (whoa... this was new for us!)
A couple Farmer's Market visits
Ikea
Trader Joe's

Some wonderful points of passage for the kiddos:

Graduating from Speech Therapy for our 2 year old son!
and Potty training (we are not quite "there" yet)
Our 7 year old finally mastering her 2 wheel bike (woo hoo!!!!)
Our foster son was evaluated and is not needing special services
(He will go into head start in the fall and is excited about it)
We had 2 extra kids this summer for 19 days which made us a family
of 8!!!
Our older daughter auditioning for a dance troupe and making the decision to
move on form her theatre studio to focus on dance.

I know it's not over yet and we are still making discovery and doing fun new things. I just feel as though my time to post is fleeting so I wanted to update before we start school. School begins on the 26th which is so close at hand. I will finalize my summer vacation post after that...

Potty Training

Our little guy is taking the process slowly. He is enjoying his exploration of the realm of bathroom behavior. While I find the process somewhat unnerving at times (I don't like cleaning up after the accidents, at this point washing his hands is the only consistent thing he does and water is so much fun for him!) None-the-less I'm more relaxed than I was with my girls. One new thing for me is He is calling the shots, I had no patience with my girls but I'm letting the process take it's course with him. I hear about the parents that say they do-it-in-a-day, I whinge! I finally grilled one of these proud mom's who said this and she admitted it's not that easy. Of course the child was trained but they were not totally done with their efforts to make it a lifetime habit.

Our little guy has not been dry through the night yet, there have been times he has gotten up and has not yet pooped so on the potty he goes first thing. He is so proud of himself. He loves to look down and say "poopy come out"... in a sing-songy voice. He pushes his belly as he smiles through his efforts. He is now trying to do the standing up gig to pee but it has not worked yet. His torso is right up on the edge of the potty so it's difficult for him to get through the process (he looks at potty chairs as undignified, he wants the real thing). We took a trip to MA a few months back and for a few days he was consistently staying dry. We took him to the potty often and we were able to stay with it throughout the day. I think he got bored. He decided to stop. It just wasn't fun anymore and he was forced to stop what he was doing to get to the bathroom. I decided to let him take a break. He wasn't in charge of those efforts and I'm not sure he was fully recognizing the "urge" or if we were just getting him there in time and he'd cooperate. Now the light is going on more in his eyes and he is feeling the process more.

There is part of this "training" I'm convinced that is meant to train the adults too. We are back to basics. We are having to learn patience again... figure out how to approach a new phase of our parenting skills (some parents approach the reward method or the holding back rewards for those times things don't go smoothly, also what about those obviously deliberate accidents that coincide with anger at mom and/or dad). There are those wonderful successes and the rite of passage as we watch our little ones suddenly master a goal and make the decision to move on into "big boy/girl pants". While it makes life a little easier it also has the bittersweet side when we realize that the evolution toward dating is that much closer. Egad!

Fish!

One of our new loves is our fish! Started with a couple little tropical fish that we planned on keeping in a bowl. When we arrived home I cringed thinking that they would die and really not thrilled with that thought I asked some "experts" how to keep them alive. Well the 98 cent fish plan went up several digits and we then had a 10 gallon tank, filter, all the salves and goo that keeps it clean, the tools for easy maintenance, rocks, nooks and colorful doodads to adorn the fish home. Of course then we needed more fish.

After getting 11 fish (one more than recommended for the tank) we lost almost all of them slowly. Got more and lost several of those. Finally I went to the store and asked what might be going wrong with the guppies. The Tetra's seemed to be doing alright but the guppies were disappearing. Yes, simply disappearing. We did find a few on the bottom or top of the tank floating but most of them were just... gone?! Someone said they had disintegrated somehow... others thought maybe they were sucked into the filter? Still other's said the tetra's may be eating them? So we don't know but we have theories.

Well as we were finally figuring out a plan to keep our new angelfish, the 3 tetras, 1 Pleco and 1 male guppy alive we got word that someone was needing to find a new home for a 29 gallon tank that had 3 cichlids (one gold and two convicts) and large pleco. I quickly asked if we may be that new home at the same time wondering if I had lost my mind. The woman had had these fish for quite awhile and the tank since she was in her teens. She was newly pregnant with her 2nd child and could not do the upkeep. Her pregnancy was a risky one and she decided to give her pets to us.

I brought the tank and the fish to our home. The tank needed a total overhaul. I emptied it totally and cleaned it thoroughly. Our new pets had to live in a bucket for a few days (I was told that they could live this way for up to a week). Fish back in their tank they have enjoyed being with us for the last month. No morbidity on the part of the fish and no problems on our end either. The kids have enjoyed the new tank. Our 10 gallon tank as well is maintaining it's status of life.

Believe me I never thought I would enjoy fish but they really are wonderful. I had thought about how relaxing a tank can be and all the joy of seeing these creatures, alive, in our home. I just didn't think it was something I'd put my soul into actually doing. Well we did. It's a blessing!