We are 8!!!

Starting 2009 we had 2 children for respite that had joined us during the summer a few times. I have to say I thought it was nuts to have them coming day 1 2009. My mom was still here from her visit that started on December 18. Although we were at 8 during the summer during her visit with these same children I thought it would be harder during the winter months to entertain and work with 6 children in our home because we would not be able to get them outside, there are more clothes to put on and take off everyone and the winter months leave me a little less motivated. We made it! Eighteen whole days. What was better was it went well inspite of the fact that kidlets were sick a good deal of the time. In fact I think this made it easier strangely enough. We ended up maintaining a low profile and the routine was simple. Thankfully it was nothing more serious than some stomach upset and/or a fever. My mom left on day 5 so she was spared from most of this... 3 of the 6 kids were back in school as well on day 5 out of 18. No missed school days during this time as most of the fever/stomach stuff was limited to the 3 at home. No adults got sick either which was a blessing! Our two little visitors left in good order and it actually felt much easier than it did before they came. We renewed our Foster Care license for the new year and off we went.

Two lovely weeks later we are at 8 people in our home again. Joined now by a 6 month old and a 2 year old. So off we go on another adventure. More about this later!

My first born...

Twelve years ago I was pregnant. I was 2 weeks past the date of go! Bun in the oven and ready to pop. I could have kept going (I loved being pregnant even the morning sickness was a reminder every day of what was happening inside my body!) They insisted it's not a good idea to go so far past this determined date. He or she had to come out. I loved being pregnant but I also was so looking forward to being a mother. I was also excited for the day to come when my wonderful spouse would be placed in the ranks of being a daddy! It was so exciting! Tim was approaching this with a bit more of a serious mindset! We were great for each other. Just when I'd tense up he'd lighten up the journey!

Then we decided we'd let the doctor take a few steps to get this child moving out into the world. It was a very difficult decision since I had not felt in any way any pressure from my insides. I had been walking vigorously and jumping up and down. I wondered if maybe they made a mistake on this due date? They told me they would only use natural methods of getting her to budge. First a gel that would do what my body was not doing to get labor started. Then with no luck there they broke my water. Then it all started. The big owie. I was so unprepared. Nurses were nowhere to be found as I went through each pain with increasing agitation (I think the were getting back at me for doing this birth au natural. This was not a town or a hospital that took well to my modern approach to giving birth. They acted as if I was taking too much control over this process) I had not eaten since 8 that morning and we were now embarking on 8 at night with no vigorous movement only pain. Finally around 11 p.m. a nurse arrives and tells me I should relax because the labor pains will only intensify and I could rip my uterus if I don't let go. I wanted to rip her face off. "Where were you several hours ago when this all started to roll like my body was being torn asunder!" I could only think these words though because it was too hard for me to mentally get much past screaming. Finally at 1:47 in the a.m. on the 31st of January after my body finally gave way to letting this baby out "she" was born with a few extra pushes helped along by a suction. I was worn out and seriously doubting my sanity. Oh my!!! Words fail me in describing this moment where I first became a parent.

My father-in-law and my mother were outside the door. In they bolted exhausted but determined to see her right after her debut! Before I could get my insides returned to normal I greeted them as they watched her being cleaned up a bit. She was healthy at 7 lbs 6.7 oz's and ready for a vigorous cry! She was the most beautiful child I'd ever seen (pooh-pooh on the nurse that told me not to cringe when I see her because many parents think their child is ugly???!!!) We were so greatful to God for this small blessing and still keep counting our blessings. She slept well. She ate well! She is a blossoming beauty at 12. Again Thank you God for our baby girl!

My birthday boy!!!! 3 years old

Here he is! Amazing, beautiful and fun!!! We are in love more and more each day. He reminds us what it is all about as we rise to hear him squealing and laughing every morning. He brings us so much joy! Happy Birthday Mr. Andrew!!!

For the Love of a Rake

I didn't want summer to go. I was upset with this change of season. For me summer left too early... I was seeing Autumn as a precursor to death! It's a season that brings in the cold, the fruit stands close up, other markets as well close for the season, it seemed that things were going to end up drab and lifeless. Then as I was raking the first leaves of Fall I begin to think and look around me. As I'm gliding through I begin to understand. I feel a vibration. I fall in love! I'm not even disappointed after awhile as I dance the vibration that the darn wind is pulling more leaves off the trees as I'm raking. I begin to hit the tree limbs and bring down a deluge. The pile of leaves build in the street as I push more and more to this end point (the borough comes by and picks them up for mulching right off the street how lucky can I get). Well I'm excited! Tomorrow is another day and I can rake again! It's definitely Autumn, nothing I can do about and really at this point nothing I want to do about it! It's Glorious! I realize that this time of the year signals the grandiosity of nature. Nature that is much more bold than any other time of the year. She spreads color and then drops her creation all over. The winds blow, the temperature drops. The world seems to get a little moody but all in all I feel life smiling and dancing. The music is in my head when I see this wondrous party come to life!


Well there have been two more days of raking. Leaves are still falling. This morning when I looked out the yard (both front and back) were mostly covered with a blanket of leaves. The excitement built again and I spent a cumulative couple of hours raking. My younger daughter got into it and shared my excitement... "I made a path!" she said as she pulled the rake several times down part of the yard and pushed the leaves onto the side walk. I was glad to see that this excitement was shared. Some innocence as well that I love to see in my children!

There were many metaphors that rattled through my brain as I looked on my leaf load today. I realized there were Greek Myth that called to mind the uselessness of what I was doing. The lesson in futility! Sisyphus. Rolls the ball up the hill only to have it roll right back down and he is doomed to failure for eternity. I'm thinking of some of the more somber moments and somber people I've been around this last week... I'm thinking of the glass half full metaphor as well. I get to decide how I look at this. The most prolific metaphor I can think of at this point though is the fact we are all called to work in this life. We can point, stare, cry and twiddle our thumbs at the "leaves that fall and build over and over in our life" or we can rake with enthusiasm... even half the enthusiasm really is better than none some days.

As I raked through the election day and on into the next day I realized that no matter who won I would not feel entirely "glad". I had definitely cast my vote. My greatest consternation was that many people had misinformation about their chosen candidate and the "other" guy. I found myself checking the internet against the "facts" I received. No amount of "truth" was going to dis-sway anyone from whom they had placed their faith in. Issues took presidence and some sticky ones are always at the helm. No matter, all we can do is really have faith in what truth does work it's way through to the end result. We have a man who will take that highest seat. The bottom line is though we all have to take our own job in this life seriously... we all have to find our own peace with what we have. This has been a time of loss in the last months. It's due to greed, it's due to things outside the grasp of most of us. We didn't cause it persay but we have to live with it.

As I finished my leaf raking today I realized that for the love of a rake I had found my own answers to this dilemma. I want to face life today, tomorrow and on down the line this winter and on and continue to find that golden rake that will help me sift through and do my job with joy and a vibration. I wish this for everyone. Look to find the music in the air and dance with nature and the chores of the day to realize how wondrous and beautiful everything and every one around you really is and I guarantee you the results will be good. As one of my friends used to say "try it and if it doesn't work we will refund your misery without haste!"

Aleana turns 8!

This is my sweet 8 year old girl. Oh my how time flys. I just marvel at all my kids. The brightness, the charm, the intelligence, the rugged individuals that they are. How amazing! I'm blessed beyond belief. Happy Birthday sweet Angel!

Fall is coming...

Trying to distract myself. I'm still in the restless mode. Possibly it's the fall season that has me wanting to work to bring some change... seasons change the weather, the landscapes, the mood and although sometimes in my life things change w/o having to work at it other times it's important to be sure to plant, sow and reap in my own life. Today we recieved a packet of information on the local SWAN program and I'm hoping there is information we can make useful to move ahead with another adoption. I don't doubt we are moving towards this right now but I really need to make sure I'm open and not missing the cues. I also want to make sure I'm not to hasty or impatient? Being 45 right now doesn't help me though. Because I married at 32 and started having children at 34 I'm a late bloomer. I also know that 45 is the new 35 : )

With that said onward and upward with Fall and with adoption again! Went to buy some beautiful mums today... absolutely gorgeous! Some little pumpkins adorn the sidewalk by the side door. I'm moving towards beauty and abundance!

Getting Restless here...

As I've discussed here we are foster parents. When we were in AZ we pursued foster care as a means of adoption. We adopted Andrew when we got to PA through the state of AZ (late last year). It took us awhile to get to court on this. I'm not exactly sure why the wheels turn so slowly for this process but it seems it almost always does. Possibly it's part of the larger plan to integrate children into permanent homes with care? Who knows but we are so happy that Andrew is with us! He's a wonderful Gift from above.

In any event we have been looking to adopt again... one or two children (single or siblings, any race, any gender, open to medical issues with some caution). Foster care has been slow. We received a call on a child that was pre-adoptive but in the end we pursued this child and sibling but they only wanted to place him with us. That was the last we heard about it. There is always this lack of information and doors shut tight. We have not gotten a call on fostering since December. Prior to that we had a child that had come to us in February (she left in December when our current foster son Q came to live with us... Q will not be staying as he has 3 siblings and they will pursue placement with he and his siblings together and we are not the right home for them). I won't be critical of the system. I believe they are doing the best they can with what time and information they gather about their foster families. They are there to keep children safe and return them to their parents or families. They are not there to work with us on our goals. However...

Tim and I know our hearts and our capabilities. If we wait I'm thinking we are truly not doing what God intended for us to do. I feel restless, I feel pulled to do more. There are so many children waiting to be adopted and many who are coming into the system daily. I cannot wait anymore just working with the system as it is... Maybe we just needing to do some poking and get them to do a little more and be more aware of us as a foster/adopt family? (right now it's hard at our agency because they have two girls going out on maternity leave which puts them down to 2 caseworkers and a supervisor... dynamite people but that short changes them for completing all the paperwork, fulfilling the bureaucratic quota for this and that, and doing what is the larger job of taking care of the children they are entrusted with through the state) Maybe we need to move on? Is there a way to reach beyond where we are, to other parts of the state system but remain with the people we are working with? Maybe the answer is somewhere in there?

I went to Swan internet site here for PA. I saw 4 children that I just fell in love with. There were many many many children on this site and many who are not listed there. I made a call today to get more information on the SWAN program and got some answers on what we can do to work within the state to adopt again. We are not opposed in any way to fostering to adopt.... we just want to be know that we are going to meet our goal of adoption at some point again. There are too many children who need homes for us to sit here and dally around when we are willing and ready to adopt. It's not fair to them it's not fair to us. So off we go again.

I talked with Tim about this. He's a little hesitant only because he doesn't want us to have to start over or begin anew and waste time. He really thinks we can pursue this from where we are. I would like a smooth process as well. I don't want to do something that is unnecessary. We really love the folks we are working with and we don't want to damage that relationship. So prayers for us that we move carefully but not waste time. While I don't think we have wasted time thus far we need to move ahead to a new plan that gets us in touch with one of those 3 children or even another child who needs a loving permanent home! I'm ready! There is/are a child(ren) out there for us.