I'm over that... Tuesdays Random thoughts

We have our furnace on now. I have a safe and new space heater for the bathroom. I have a bit of my wardrobe set for the colder days. I have my head worked around the hot drink and warm weather gear for those moments of insanity where I can't stand the feeling of tingling cold on or near by body. I think I might make it. Snow take me away!

Got through our yearly inspection and re-licensure for foster care. It went very well. I think I may have it all down to a bit of science. It's not a big deal but the first few years here I was so nervous about it. A big part of it this year was just updating the caseworkers and somehow without even thinking about it I have done it on a consistent ongoing basis each quarter. As well having a house that is in working order. Tim just got going on some painting here... mostly trim work that needed to be done. With an older house it's harder because when things get to a point of needing it badly it could mean chipping and having to sand the area first. Lead paint is the risk. We had a little upheaval with that and hopefully we will put that behind us. With one little rug rat that was on her hands and knees we have to be so so so careful.

I've been working through some difficulty I have with some of the prevailing attitudes around me. I know part of it has reflected my problem... (looking in the mirror is always a good idea when a problem arises). Where it seems to show the most is on my FB page. There are these disagreements. I watch some people do it so well... just agree to disagree. Others are just militant about their views and can't seem to understand why they create choas and upset. These are the folks with super militant views... very much "my way is the right way and why can't you see that!" Why it bothers me is that it has ended a few friendships right out the door of our Facebook friendship. Actually I'm careful enough not to air my dirty laundry but I do confess to being more open about my views on things and sharing things likely I wouldn't be inclined to face to face (probably because I don't get to see people often enough IRL that I wouldn't have time) I wonder how these social networking sights will fare in years to come. Will they be able to reconnect friends and connect families in a civilized way or will they be cited for undo turmoil? I guess stay tuned.

I do apologize to the masses this last year and probably back a year or so. I have let go of birthday greetings. I'm in the process of forgiving myself for letting Christmas greetings go. I will do cards and what I can for gifts but I may get a bit more lax even there. I confess to having not enjoyed the season the last two years. I wake up with a headache trying to remember who I might have forgotten to gift. I have woken myself up into the New Year with grief and guilt as I recall another person I forgot. Letting go is good. Much of my gift giving will be in good order I'm sure but forgiveness is just going to be my seasonal motto this year.

Loving the Twilight series. Just finished the 3rd book. My oldest daughter is working on the 4th book so when she finishes I will be in that one like an obsessed person I'm certain. It's so nice reading again! We look forward to the movie "New Moon".

I love my life! (a good note to end on here!)

Winter....groan!

Winter weather just puts me in a bad mood. I closed my eyes around April sometime and just grimmaced waiting for the warmer days. Opened them mid-May to the sweet smelling warmth of early summer but... The summer went too fast. How could it be cold again! There is a beauty to the Fall and the festivities are grand as time rolls on. I am finding myself again seeking refuge in the fun of these next few months. The darker days, the cold wind, the soggy leaves, tight bundled clothes just came too soon.

Purging my mind on a Friday morning...

Just got up at 5 a.m. took myself out for a really bad cup of coffee at a local convenience store (Starbuck doesn't open until 7 a.m.) so that I could talk on the phone to someone in Phoenix at 8:30. Problem! the time is behind and not ahead so I called them at 2:30 a.m. and not 8:30 a.m. Duh! So here I am trying to work through a post that I started a week ago. I have been saying I wished I had more time in the mornings to do some things alone before the kids get up. Well I got it here. I drove around for a half hour before I realized what I was doing. I call it the "toddled brain syndrome". With 4 of them in my home right now I find myself a little off kilter.

Finished off the summer. Aquarium visit, weekly meetings with Early Intervention for K and J our youngest foster children, time at the mall, time at our cottage (one grueling but fun week when my mom visited), a visit from my mother (whinge!!).

Well school has started. We've been in the swing for about 3 weeks now. It's going well for the girls. I haven't heard either of them say they didn't want to go in the early a.m. which makes it easier to get up and get motivated. I know I won't be fighting with them.

Just a quick emotional rant here: This blog is my happy place but sometimes I need to vent my spleen. I'm so tired of radical politics I could scream. Joe Wilson. I posted a reply in a NYT article (on-line) stating I'm more afraid of his ilk than I ever could be of foreign terrorism.

I'm looking for a way lately to get my balance. I often feel my life depends on it. Not that I won't live if I don't... it's that I won't be exactly feeling alive and well. God Bless my little angels. I love them to bits but I need to find a way to balance some activities for all of us. It's possible and I'm working on it.

Tuesday...

Summer is slipping away pretty quickly. I loathe going to the store and seeing the "back to school" sales coming on in July. We are heading back around August end. PTO e-mailed to let us know of the different positions opened for the multiple activities they work as fundraisers for the school. I wish there was not only a law that stated you cannot put out Christmas decorations (or even mention Christmas until the first week in December) likewise you will be harmed if you mention school or have sales for school anytime 2 weeks prior to school beginning.

Anyhow I still have plans. I want to get to the Baltimore Aquarium. I want to spend a week at our cottage. I want to sleep in at least a few more times. I would love to get to a few more minor league baseball games. I would love to entertain a few more times with good friends in our back yard or at the cottage. I'm really aching to hit a carnival or two (no rides but plenty of fair food!!!) Just to name a few things.

I think I can rest easy with summer running away so long as I can accomplish these goals and a few surprises to bring it all to a close.

Change is inevitable, pain is optional

My husband Tim is sitting next to me as I'm sobbing. What a day I had. I recount my getting lost on a road that brought me to sluggish traffic and than a deadlock on a highway. As I sit in traffic with 5 very grumpy kids I vow not to end up at the mall. I'm want what started as a country ride to nowhere to end up being something a little more productive. As they say when you are heading nowhere that is where you will end up (or something like that). I finally see the mall and there we are. Now the kids are happy and I'm grumpy. Thank God it had a play area. Then I take my son to the bathroom. He is progressively potty trained but not always making it in time. I have to clean him up and it's not pretty. I put my cell phone down to keep it from getting drowned in the sink... then I forget it. Finally we leave and I'm resigned this was a "good" day (although I had envisioned much better at a park or a museum). We leave and I get on the wrong highway back to the cottage. I didn't notice it was the wrong road until I was quite far from my destination (this time I "knew" where I was going). Then I notice my cell phone is missing when I go to call Tim to ask him the best way "home" from way far away. So I turn back. I am requesting the kids pray that the mall is open late. Thank God the prayers worked. They say that God listens to children. I've got 5 at the moment so graciously I had an advantage. I go in and find my phone at the security desk. They ask me my name and then tell me that my husband had called me. I roll my eyes thinking of what me might have said to them "oh she lost the damn thing again!!!" I had just lost my keys a few days earlier and a stroller about 3 weeks before that. Not all these losses were my fault entirely but they stung none-the-less. I finally get us on the right road back to the cottage for what I hope is a peaceful weekend. I take a few things out of the car and head for the door... open the screen door and start to walk through when the door comes very quickly to a close before I get my left foot inside taking all the skin off a back portion of my leg down by my ankle. I gasp and hobble to the deck which is several steps away in order to sit down outside where the blood will be less of a problem (rugs versus wood deck... it wasn't an easy choice) when I notice too late the sliding screen door is not open... I knock the door off it's track, the screen tears and I go falling onto my hands on the deck on top of the whole bent out door. Flash to the sobbing part where my husband is listening to his wife rehashing the day in incoherent sentences. He tells me that I've done this all before... the last time we made changes in our life. Our move of 3 years before was fresh on his mind. Here I am in our new cottage (Mary pictures will be up here eventually!!) trying like a mad woman to enjoy it or else. I remember that when we first arrived in our new state I was under the same kind of "do or die" stress. Change... even positive and fun changes can be stressful... but pain is optional! Next time I need to beware of the doors!

Okay... it's Wednesday... barely!

It is 1:20a.m. This has been a trend lately. Started actually before the end of school. I discovered I can actually get things done at this hour of the night w/o interruption. The house stays clean when I tidy up. I can think thoughts in a steady stream without interruption. I am able to wake up in the morning in a fairly good mood (provided I get some sleep after I hit the pillow) because I have completed what I started for the day. I also know that my nicname is true. I'm a "nightowl". Have always been and likely will always be. Mornings are nice but I really do love the night.

My problem. I have one child who like me loves to be up so I'm not always alone. She unlike me needs more sleep and she does become a rather transformed nasty thing when she doesn't get enough so I need to encourage her not to follow me in staying up for countless hours.

So I'm off the showers. I am beginning to feel a little rough around the edges right now because in addition to being up when I want to be lately I've not been sleeping even when I want to. Don't know what that is about but I'm sure that it end sooner or later and I will slumber well (hopefully sooner!)

Random Thoughts

Haven't put a word down here in awhile. Between Facebook, my comfy internet groups, kids, home, friends in the flesh, husband, vacation, holidays, etc and not necessarily in that order I forgot about my blog?! Hmmm. I want desperately though to write about summer. Before it is over. Oh my. I'm just wanting to capture the joy of it... bottle it somehow... take copious notes and weave it into a garment I can wear and just enjoy. I just love it. I love all aspects of this. The warmth of it, the color, the brightness, the lull, even the soggy air.

It's also really nice right now because even though the rain is a little much it has kept the weather cooler for the most part. The kids are doing well. One dance class for my 8 year old. A week of camp for my 12 year old. Haven't quite figured out what to do with my 3 year old. We have a number of appointments for our two youngest (foster children) 2 and 11 months. I'm working to keep a balance. Not toooo busy but not missing a beat if I can. There are quite a few things to do... I tend to want to just flow with things but I also want to run around wildly taking in eeeeeverything!!!! The farmers markets, the parks, the celebrations, back yard parties (we haven't been invited to any but if we were!) the fruit stands, the crab and shrimp feasts to name only a few things. I likely will just opt for enjoying what comes my way or those things I see as I go. Packing 5 kids into a vehicle and carting them around (and without the double stroller I lost just a few weeks ago I might add) is a little daunting. That's okay though. I might get to enjoy a few things a bit more and savor the experience.

I thank God I also have a friend who will be there for me and help out with some of this task if needed. We have a child going for surgery this month to have ear tubes inserted and his adnoids taken out. We have a cottage up near a lake we will be spending time at. We also have a few dates on the calendar for visits from caseworkers and Early Intervention Therapists and a visit from my mother for a month. I'm know summer will not end before we enjoy many things I just look on now and feel a sense of it all... so much to do and so little time.

The hazy lazy side of me that needs to get away from it all is having so much fun!